From Ashes to A Blanket of Snow

I'm up early this morning.  Actually, I've had another sleepless night and this time I watched as the rain gradually turned into snow.  It's been snowing outside for the past hour and a half and now the ground is blanketed with white snow and with the exception that it's a very wet snow and the kind I really do not like to walk around in, from the comfort of being wrapped up in my quilt sitting in a comfy chair looking outside while visualizing a warm toasty fire on inside... actually, I've got no fire place and while I am wrapped up in a warm blanket looking outside my window watching the sun rise and watching the snow coming down I've actually just come back from taking a walk to the coffee shop on the corner and now I'm back with my coffee siting down with my breakfast while writing out my current reflections on lent.  

The thought that keeps coming back to me is this question, why do we fast?  What is the purpose of it? You know I say this having never been on a full fast ever in my entire life :)  

Do we fast because we're wanting to beat our flesh into submission?  Do we fast trying to work our way into heaven while completely neglecting everything that Jesus has done for us when he willingly submitted himself to such a humiliating and horrific death?  One can fast simply for religious obligation or one can participate with God in the discipline of fasting because one desires to be further refined in one's personal relationship with Jesus Christ and our faith journey towards the man or woman that God created us to be.  Snow is often a symbol of purity as is the color white.  Recently I have come to see such disciplines as fasting not so much of a religious obligation but rather a time to set aside to be further refined to the image of Jesus Christ and to develop in us the fruit of the Spirit.  We're all called to a consecrated life, a life of holiness and purity but at the same time we all are broken and struggle with various things in our life that has a tendency to take our minds off of the purpose that God has for each and every one of us... all the more reason to begin to cultivate in our lives spiritual disciplines like fasting or meditative/contemplative prayers that allow for us to quiet our spirit so that we can hear from God.  These are disciplines I am hoping to grow in, not for the sake of religiosity but for the simple reason of wanting and desiring to be completely open to His work being done in my life.  

More recently I've been growing in the discipline of meditative and contemplative discerning prayer.  It is by far different then the loud boisterous yelling and shouting and charismatic type intercessory prayer sessions that I've experienced in years past... I am growing to believe there is a time and place for everything and a reason for meditative and contemplative prayers.  The loud boisterous prayers tend to neglect matters of the heart as we pray into what we think, sense, and believe is God's will but rarely do we engage relationally with our God in such a way to give place to what is at present time being stirred up in our heart.  What is better, to follow through with what looks to be God's will for our life or to take a step back, quietly reflect, and actually allow for a process.  I liken this to the tilling of the soil of our spirit... tilling the soil of our heart... it is preparing our heart to receive and to allow for conviction to take in our heart.  It's like planting a seed.  Without tilling the soil of our heart it's like the shallow planting of a seed that springs up quickly but when the scorching sun comes out  the plant withers away just as fast as it sprang up or it's like planting a seed among thorny ground but because of impatience the seed was planted prematurely and as a result the thorns chocking the life out of the plant.  Matthew 13:1-23.  

In my current reflections during this season of lent I have come to a deeper and more profound understanding of some of the mysteries that surround Jesus death on the cross.  Recently I've done a study on the Rosary Prayer and with the Rosary prayer you will find this meditative and contemplative prayer embedded into the very dna of this prayer.  The current Rosary prayer focuses on 4 types of mysteries.  I wanted to highlight one set of the mysteries that is reflected upon in this prayer.  It's called the Sorrowful Mysteries... 

The First Sorrowful MysteryTHE AGONY IN THE GARDEN

1. Jesus comes with his disciples to Gethsemani: "Stay here, while I go yonder and pray."
2. Entering the garden with Peter, James, and John, Jesus prays, "My soul is sorrowful unto death."
3. Jesus sees the sins of all mankind, whose guilt He has taken upon Himself.
4. He sees the wrath of the Father which His sufferings must appease.
5. So great is his anguish that His sweat becomes as drops of blood falling to the ground.
6. An angel appears to Him from heaven to strengthen Him.
7. "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet, not My will but Yours be done."
8. Finding the disciples asleep: "Could you not watch one hour with me?"
9. Jesus is betrayed by Judas, cruelly bound and led away.
10. Father, by the merits of the agony of Jesus in the Garden, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Spiritual Fruit: God's Will be done
The Second Sorrowful MysteryTHE SCOURGING AT THE PILLAR

1. Jesus is taken before the High Priest where He is falsely accused, buffeted and insulted.
2. The Jewish leaders take Jesus before Pilate, for only he can impose the death penalty.
3. The robber, Barabbas, is preferred to Jesus.
4. Pilate can "find no cause in Him", yet to appease the Jews, he orders Jesus to be scourged.
5. The scourge is made of leather thongs to which are attached small sharp bones.
6. Jesus is bound to a pillar and cruelly scourged until His whole body is covered with deep wounds.
7. The Lamb of God offers His suffering for the sins of mankind.
8. Jesus suffers so much in His sacred flesh to satisfy, especially, for sins of the flesh.
9. The prophesy of Isaiah is fulfilled: "He was wounded for our iniquities, He was bruised for our sins."
10. Father, by the merits of Jesus in this painful scourging, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Spiritual Fruit: Mortification of the senses
The Third Sorrowful MysteryTHE CROWNING WITH THORNS

1. Pilate asks, "Are You a king?" Jesus answers: "I am a King, but My kingdom is not of this world."
2. In the praetorium, the soldiers place an old purple robe on Jesus in mockery of His claim to be a king.
3. They fashion a crown out of thorns, and forcefully press it down upon His head.
4. In His bound hands they place a reed, as a sceptre, in mockery of His kingship.
5. Kneeling before Him in derision, they spit on Him, and cry out: "Hail, King of the Jews!"
6. Taking the reed from His hand they strike Him on the head, driving the thorns more deeply into His scalp.
7. Pilate brings Jesus before the people, hoping His pitiful sight will soften them: "Behold the man!"
8. Their response: "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"
9. Our Blessed Lord submitted to this terrible humiliation to make reparation for our pride.
10. Father, by the merits of this painful humiliation, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Spiritual Fruit: Reign of Christ in our heart
The Fourth Sorrowful MysteryTHE CARRYING OF THE CROSS

1. One condemned to death by crucifixion is forced to carry the cross to the place of execution.
2. The suffering of Jesus is intense as the cross is laid on His bruised and wounded back and shoulders.
3. Weak and exhausted from loss of blood, lack of food and rest, Jesus falls three times under the cross.
4. Jesus meets His afflicted Mother causing untold anguish in the Hearts of Son and Mother.
5. The countenance of Jesus is disfigured with blood and sweat, with dust and spittle.
6. Veronica wipes His face, leaving on her towel the image of His countenance.
7. Fearing that Jesus might die on the way, the soldiers force Simon of Cyrene to carry the cross behind Jesus.
8. Jesus speaks to weeping women; "Weep not for Me, but for yourselves and your children."
9. "If anyone is to be My disciple, let him take up his cross and follow Me."
10. Father, by the merits of this painful journey to Calvary, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Spiritual Fruit: Patient bearing of trials
The Fifth Sorrowful MysteryTHE CRUCIFIXION

1. The hands and feet of Jesus are nailed to the cross in the presence of His afflicted Mother.
2. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
3. "This day you will be with Me in paradise."
4. "Woman, behold your Son. Son, behold your Mother."
5. "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
6. "I thirst."
7. "It is finished."
8. "Father, into Your hands I commend My spirit."
9. The side of Jesus is pierced with a lance. His body is taken down and placed in the arms of His Mother.
10. Father, by the merits of the crucifixion and death of Jesus, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Spiritual Fruit: Pardoning of Injuries
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.  As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.  O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to heaven, especially those who are most in need of your mercy.
The snow that has covered the earths ground speak of victory this morning that has come through the obedience of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and it speaks to what the Lord desires and that is to make all things new.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation.  The old has passed away;  

behold, the new has come. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Time of Lent: Spiritual Blindness? Lord Have Mercy

Here we are in the season of lent.  As mentioned in my previous post this is actually the first year I have ever decided to observe and participate in this season of lent.  As you may have been able to guess I have been researching and looking deeper into the Roman Catholic faith.  I have been since my youth.  At first I wanted to understand my Grandmother's faith, I wanted to know if my Grandmother truly had faith in Jesus Christ or if she followed a faith of rules, ritual, and religious legalism.  Before making any judgement for or against the Roman Catholic church I wanted to first understand.  I find so many people have ideas and have listened to teaching that doesn't actually reflect the Roman Catholic faith and as a result have misrepresented the Roman Catholic faith because of their ignorance and inability to truly understand what was being taught within the context of tradition and doctrine.  I didn't want to be ignorant.

Much of my informative years growing up involved attending church.  I've experienced a wide range of denominations and traditions growing up and very early I had become cultured if you will to various styles, denominations, teachings, and tradition.  I hear people speak against the tradition held in the Roman Catholic church but if we look good and hard at the church we're currently attending...  there you will see tradition... the tradition just looks different but it's tradition nonetheless.  I spent many years in the Pentecostal church and even attended a Pentecostal Bible College.  I learned the tradition, the doctrine, I learned the language and behavior that was acceptable within the context of  church community.  The mass alter calls to receive salvation, the alter calls to surrender one self to Christ, the alter calls to make another step towards our commitment and service to God, the alter calls to make steps of obedience to the high calling we have in Christ, the raising up of our hands in worship with our eyes closed, the dancing with flags ...  I know because I was there and have done that... many many times over.  What is that?  That is tradition.  What else do we see, we see attending church both Sunday morning and Sunday night, we see a mid week service on Wednesday evening, we see bible study groups, prayer groups, we see Saturday night worship and if you're youth there is worship or some form of gathering Friday nights... that's tradition.  And in some Conservative Evangelical churches you will see liturgical traditions that are very similar to the liturgy you will find if you were to attend Mass.  I know because I have experienced all forms of liturgy and worship experiences throughout my life.  The more I study the deeper the mystery.  

I recall what I kept hearing over and over and over again as a Bible College student, the more you know the more you realize what you don't know.  In my experience I can recall attending Pentateuch class and I sat there in class a mess!  Half way through that semester I had become such a mess at the site of  my own brokenness and half way through that semester I basically dropped out and I no longer cared about whether or not I could improve my grades because at that moment in time it ceased to be about getting good grades and working my way to pleasing others in my life or even pleasing God... as I continued to sit in class God began to reveal to me in deeper and more profound ways that I really didn't know Him, I thought I knew God but I came to the point of believing and recognizing that I didn't actually know Him as well as I thought and worst of all, I could only see my inadequacy and my inability to do live a life that we as Christians are called to live.  This idea of holiness, of purity, of making the choice to turn away from the idols we create and turn to worship God... that idea for me seemed unreachable and unattainable.  By the end of that semester I failed to hand in the rest of my term papers and didn't show up to take my final tests... I just waited it all out and when it was time to pack up my stuff and move out of the dorms that's what I did.  I said good-bye to Bible College and good-bye to my faith... at least my faith as I knew it.  There are 3 parts to my story as I began this pilgrimage of faith.  There is my story of coming to believe in Jesus as my God and my Savior, There is the journey of healing and coming to understand who I am in Christ which today is still ongoing... and then there is the story of my conversion which I'm coming to believe is as much a process as is the process of sanctification... the lines between being redeemed, being converted, and then allowing for a spiritual pilgrimage  to transform you from the inside out... the process from my perspective are beginning to mix altogether... the lines are being blurred and I am left to cry out to God... "Lord have mercy on me a sinner" and with the lines being blurred I stop feeling the need to be assured of somebody else's salvation... and begin to trust more in the kindness of mercy of our God... I stop evangelizing people and simply be in relationship with people allowing for their own pilgrimage in Christ to take root while allowing my life, the way I live my life and what others see be the gospel live and walked out in my daily life and like Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel at all times and if  you must use words"  The most powerful tool of evangelism is in how we live our life and how we respond to those around us.  The 4 spiritual laws really is not all that effective... really there should have been a 5th spiritual law and that is commitment towards obedience to Christ because believing in Jesus and acknowledging what Jesus taught involves something on our part, it involves some kind of action that physically shows a certain belief held.  In other words, true belief will eventually lead to conversion, a changed behavior, an act of physically turning in another direction with the understanding it is only by the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that any of this is even made possible. 

I like what I heard from Fr. Barron on conversion... it draws me in to want to hear more.  I think it fits within the context of lent. 

Sometimes in conversation with friends I am now finding myself conveying a message...if we truly believe, if we truly have faith, if we're truly converted there will be a change in behavior and if not one has to question if conversion has even take place.  It's one thing to say  yes to Jesus but it's another to journey with Him through his suffering and death on the cross while knowing that what we're being called to as believers in Jesus Christ is to actually be willing to die. The Apostle Paul in Philippians said, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain" and in Philippians 3:8-11 says this, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith --- that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."  People are so used to hearing the prosperity gospel and people are so ingrained to trust in their fallible interpretation of scriptures and many fall prey to false teachings because they will hear a gospel that will comfort them in their sin instead of the one that causes grief, discomfort, and the allowance of secret shame to surface all of which only draws us to what is needed and what is needed is first to acknowledge the sin in our life that we may confess our sins and truly truly turn to the Lord and receive His free gift of salvation and the grace needed to be empowered towards holiness.  The process of sanctification really is found the midst of wrestling with sin, wrestling with struggles that hit deep down into the core of who we are, and the surrendering up of our will so that Christ may live in us.  That is a gospel that few will ever teach because it is a hard teaching because few don't want to really pass through the inevitable experience we must travel through if there is any hope of the resurrection both now in the present and in the future to come...  If we want to share in His resurrection we must first die.  It is the death on the cross that brought us victory.  I have heard that this part of the journey is liken to the dark night of the soul... few want to go through the dark night of the soul but it is there we are further refined and further shaped into the image of Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior.  Why? I think it is in this place it's like the refining of silver which involves the allowance of the impurities to surface and it is there we gain a deeper understanding of our own weaknesses and we see it like it is and it is there we come to the place of true humility in Christ and it is there we can begin to see life from the perspective of Jesus.  

Fasting on Fish Friday & 40 Days Fasting Facebook

This is actually my first year observing lent.  This year I decided to fast from Facebook.  With my health it is rather difficult to fast from food but the idea of fasting is there and it has been a thought I have had in mind over the years.  I have pondered the spiritual benefits of fasting and in our day and age I believe Social Media outlets can become just as much a form of a god as food can be and it can rule our lives just as powerfully as food can.  If you're anything like me you have missed a meal or have forgotten to eat something while skimming down the page to see who posted what.  To be honest I really don't miss it that much but lest I forget the reason why I chose to give up Facebook for lent.



Why fast from Facebook?  


Is there any particular significance?  



First, I'd like to give you a little history regarding lent.  It is arguable that lent has its origins in the Roman Catholic church yet there are mainline conservative evangelical church who will observe lent.  Lent can be described as a special time, a time set apart in the year to prayer and penance, sacrifice and good works in preparation in the celebration of Easter.  I decided to research and google lent and this is what I found, Catholic Education Resource Center, it says this, "In the desire to renew the liturgical practices of the church, the constitution on the sacred liturgy of Vatican Counsel II stated, 'the two elements which are especially characteristic of lent -- the recalling of Baptism or the preparation for it, and penance -- should be given greater emphasis in the liturgy and in liturgical catechesis.  It is by means of them that the church prepares the faithful for the celebration of Easter, while they hear God's word more frequently and devote more time to prayer... it was Pope St Leo (d. 461)  preached the faithful must fulfill with their fasts the Apostolic institution of the 40 days."  The number 40 is a significant number... just to point out a few verses in scripture you can look up if you're at all interested...  Exodus 34:28,  1 Kings 19:8, and most importantly in the New Testament we see Jesus fasted 40 days in the wilderness Matthew 4:2.

Shrove Tuesday is also commonly observed as well.  Many actually go out and eat pancakes to their hearts content!  I can get used to that!  

I mean, just stuffin yourself silly with pancakes and it being the only time in the year where you don't have to feel guilty when it comes to gluttony.  The other day I was at this meeting and it just so happened to be Shrove Tuesday and so this guy in the group and mentioned that him and his wife were going out for pancakes later on that evening.  He really didn't no why pancakes of all foods.  I said, well Lent probably has its origins in the Roman Catholic church, I can only assume that to be true and one thing I know is that Catholics tend to do interesting things with food and fasting.  I then told him of a conversation I once had with my Grandmother, a devout Roman Catholic.  I remember it was on a Friday I decided to drop by and visit my Grandparents.  It was a ritual of mine to skip a class at high school just to lengthen my lunch hour and run over to my Grandparents who lived across from my high school and have lunch with them.

If I didn't skip class to lengthen my lunch hour with my Grandparents it usually meant that my Nana and Grandpa Peder were visiting from Norway.  

Let me tell you when Norwegians have lunch it's usually a very large roast beef dinner with all the fixins and you feel like you're having a Christmas dinner or something and since my Nana and Grandpa Peder lived in Norway I had a pretty good excuse to skip school when they were visiting.  The visit always seemed short so we found ways to savor the time spent....

...anyways, back to my devout Roman Catholic Grandmother, this one Friday afternoon I had been visiting my Grandparents and for whatever reason I'd always forget that Friday was the day of fasting.  

That day visiting my Grandparents my lunch was a few pieces of lettuce with a little bit of shrimp... fish was OK, in fact, it has become a Catholic tradition to eat fish on fasting friday and if not fish then some type of seafood other than actual meat that had to bleed in order to feed you.  It wasn't really the food that drew me to visit my Grandparents anyhow.  My Grandmother in some ways was like a mother to me.  In fact, the closest thing to a mother I'll ever know.  I loved visiting with my Grandmother because I could talk and somebody listened to me and somebody heard me... it was a far cry from what I felt at home.... often times feeling neglected or forgotten about until I did something wrong....


right... fasting day fish friday :)  

At this particular time in my life, I was about 18 and really inquisitive of the Roman Catholic faith.  Something has always drawn me towards the Roman Catholic faith / tradition and I was faithful at that time in a Pentecostal tradition and wondered about the differences between Catholic tradition and Protestant tradition. I was well schooled on the Protestant history of the Reformation but despite the fact of growing up at times submerged in Roman Catholic tradition either by being spiritually submerged or culturally submerged... there is a certain kind of culture that exists within Catholic families that may not be fully understood by those who have not grown up Catholic or at the very least surrounded by Catholic tradition.  Some questions I never thought to question like, why did we always eat fish on Friday?  OK so what does this have to do with Shrove Tuesday? There is actually a very good connection with lent and the customary fasting on Fridays.  Good Friday was the day that Jesus was nailed to the cross and crucified and Ash Wednesday is the day we begin to prepare our hearts for what is to come.  The cross is central to the Christian faith, we're called in scripture to be like Jesus, to deny ourselves, to pick up our cross daily, to be a living sacrifice, to give back all of who we are to our God and Savior.  Fasting has always been in a sense dieing to self and growing in self control and discipline along with cultivating a heart of penance or in some traditions we say repentance... how do we repent? We repent by penance, a physical act of turning away from sin and turning towards our God and making the choice to worship Him instead of ourselves or whatever else there might be that seeks the attention we should be giving to our God.  So I asked my Grandmother why don't we eat meat on Fridays... Shrove Tuesday was all about stuffin ourselves silly with pancakes but week after week when Friday rolled around came the usual day of fasting... at the very least, withholding from ourselves meat.  I was surprised, I mean very surprised at my Grandmother's response and I'll never forget it because it was painfully honest on her part but so painfully honest and just so ironic that I just had to laugh!  It was a moment we both kinda giggled because we both knew it wasn't the response I was prepared to hear.  Her response was, "Well, it is either fasting meat or doing a good deed... and right now I couldn't be bothered by doing a good deed"  ...  OK, so extending grace towards my Grandmother, she was this tiny old frail little lady who could barely lift 10 pounds and it was so painful watching my Grandmother try to pour herself a cup of tea that I stayed long enough to make her tea, wash the dishes, and sit and chat with a Grandma I really loved and well putting up with me was more than her fare share of good deeds.  In my early years I was hell on wheals and somehow she put up with me and dealt with me, once she took a broom to my behind but I ran passed her so fast I nearly knocked her over so hitting me in the behind probably kept her from falling down.... lol  but like I said, taking care of me was more than her fare share of good deeds, she deserved the rest and deserved people serving her.  Looking back, I believe this was the last conversation I had with her before she passed away.  What I grew to love about my Grandmother is the fact that she wasn't perfect, she knew what it meant to surrender herself to the Lord, she knew what it meant to reckon with struggles and difficulty beyond her control, she knew what it meant to persevere in faith when it seemed like the tide turned against her.  She knew what it meant to trust in the Lord for and in His goodness and in and for His mercy and in and for His peace when there was nothing but turmoil.  Her faithfulness to her faith and her faithfulness to her husband, my Grandfather, is evidence of this.  I witnessed my Grandparents renew their wedding vows at their 50th wedding anniversary.  My Grandfather was so used to serving and taking care of my Grandmother that by the time my Grandmother passed away he really didn't know what to do with himself... I can say that by their 50th wedding anniversary they understood marriage in a way they perhaps hadn't seen in years past.  Anyways, that's enough of my Grandparents...  back to lent !  

So I made the decision to fast from Facebook and so far pretty darn good... there were a couple of moments I spent a briefly on Facebook responding to necessary items having to do with real life not social media life.  I wanted to fast from Facebook because Facebook can be the place it becomes easy to encourage our narcissistic tendency towards self worship or even the worship of others... this would be called idolatry.  Relationships and friendships are important but they are made outside and beyond Facebook.  I wanted to replace the time I'd spend on Facebook to look up and outward towards those around me and towards my current friends and the community in which I live and instead of sending off a text message via Facebook to my sister I could make the extra effort to call instead... that is if she'd were to actually answer her phone ;)  she certainly has her hands full with two little girls at home, my two beautiful nieces... I have a few beautiful nieces and a few handsome nephews...  I have a few sisters and a brother, a few of my sisters have babies and my brother has his hands full with his 3 kids as well... all very beautiful, all smart, each one very unique in their own personhood... there is a very real diverse mix of personalities, interests, and ways of seeing life and it is a beautiful thing when we in our family can look beyond our differences and love one another still.

This is certainly a time I am not only fasting from Facebook but pondering relationships God's way and really just taking a season out of my life to cultivate in my heart a truer understanding of what it means to have had my Lord and Savior take upon Himself my sin and my brokenness and to come to a deeper and more fuller understanding of this great exchange... the cross is central to the Christian faith, it is there that Jesus took upon Himself my sin and without death there wouldn't be no resurrection.  


Often times, especially in charismatic circles people want to rush past our crucified Lord and Savior but do we understand that our resurrected King of Kings and Lord of Lords had to first die?  

The Pursuit of Holiness Within the Context of Friendship

I appeal to  you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies 

as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual act of worship.  

Do not be conformed to this world , but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,

 that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable  and perfect. 

~ Romans 12:1-2

  

The pursuit of holiness is not so that I can feel secure in my salvation I am already well secured in my relationship with Jesus enough to be secure in my salvation.  There are other important reasons why I pursue holiness and why I am driven to live a life that is different then that of this world.  It is because God has created us for so much more then what our culture currently presents.  The sad reality is, our young people are listening to Lady Gaga and Ryan Seacrest when it comes to directions for their life and the unfortunate part of this is that these figures are polar opposite of what God is calling us towards in Christ Jesus our gospel is not a Lady Gaga's gospel and Ryan Seacrest will never have the final say and his words are not the measure of truth and I have to wonder if people take the words of Ryan Seacrest and Lady Gaga more seriously than they do the word of God.  I have to ask if there is truly a heart conversion because if we're truly converted then change will be an inevitable byproduct and our hearts will naturally want to please God because of what will flow from our hearts... a heart of worship.  It's where the rubber meets the road and where childish living is placed aside our hearts become filled with worship and we begin to want nothing but purity in all things.  

I had a friend.  She is gifted, she has a great personality, she is loved by many and I valued our friendship....  This friendship came to a bitter end recently although this was not my choice, it was her choice that she made. The conflict started when I saw a picture of her posed seductively in her lingerie... it was posted of Facebook for all to see.  Now, I'm not one for policing pictures on friends pages or telling friends how to live their life etc but this friend of mine is a Christian, a worship leader, and a music recording artist who performs in both secular and Christian venues.  She is in the position of influence and leadership and with that comes great responsibility and I'm not quite sure if she's mature enough to be in this position but she is nonetheless and so I pray for her.  I pray the Lord will stir in heart that what flows out of her is worship and praise so that she can lead others into His presence... but there is a high calling for those of us who are worship leaders and who are in a position of influence.  If we think about it, we all have a sphere of influence and the question is, how well we will cultivate our sphere of influence in Christ name.  We will either promote God's standards or the standards of Lady Gaga and use Ryan Seacrest as the authoritative point of ending...  sad if that's your reality in life because God has purposed for so much more.  

When I saw the pic of my friend in her lingerie... within the context of the ministry she is involved in and within the context of her music career I couldn't affirm my friend in this behavior but knowing and being able to see the hazard such a photo would have not only in her music career but such a photo would stump and stifle not only the purpose God has for her but her very relationship with Jesus and such a photo can place a damper on a friendship when one desires only purity and holiness within the context of friendship.  I'm not quite sure she fully recognizes the fact that such a photo published publicly would have such a huge impact on some of her friendships, for example...  her guy friends and the friends of her husband... and then her female friends like me who struggle with same sex attraction.  I have had such a high value on our friendship that I wanted nothing to get in the way of our friendship. I wanted to respect my friend, honor her, and to see her as a daughter of the most high God!  However, that is a battle that could rage war in my mind with potentially lustful thoughts and potentially cross boundaries that I have because of my deep respect for her and others and also for myself.  Such a photo was not helpful in our friendship because it certainly didn't help me to keep our friendship pure and holy.  I really didn't want to envision my friend in her lingerie every single time we get together especially when I struggle in certain areas and it's not helpful in my journey out of lesbianism.  In fact, the photo became what eventually blocked and hindered our friendship greatly to the point where it disintegrated.  In my value of her I decided to speak up and because of her ministry in the church and her music career, as a friend I couldn't remain silent and because I wanted to keep our friendship pure I chose not to remain silent.  This friend of mine obviously didn't care about the things that could affect me in our friendship and what potentially could cause me to stumble.  Hello... I'm on a journey of leaving behind lesbianism and here's a good friend of mine posed in her lingerie!  This is not good for our friendship, not good at all.  I could have chosen to walk away from our friendship... but I chose not to.  I chose to extend grace but I also chose to speak truth.  We do fail when we speak only truth and express no grace but we do a great disservice to our friends and family when we extend only grace with no truth because then it is either affirming a loved one to hell or into great bondage and a good friend will never affirm a friend into bondage.  

There comes a time when friendship is valued enough to confront... this friend of mine didn't appreciate what I had to say about the photo which I viewed as inappropriate and not beneficial for her in many ways and not beneficial in our friendship either.  The words I had written in response hurt her but of course it hurt her because I was speaking against what she viewed as her identity.  In truth I was elevating her identity in Christ.  My hope was that her and I could continue to cultivate a pure woman to woman friendship but she was incapable of navigating through our conflict and as a result defriended me on facebook and instead of valuing our friendship enough to meet in person she could only relate online while hidden behind the laptop far removed from actual relating only to read words that probably were misunderstood which they always are when we're not face to face.  It is so easy to read into things that aren't there because you just don't know and can't discern our heart and compassion off the pages you read off the screen... this is the unfortunate side of social networking, it has created a generation of those who have little to no relational skills.  

I don't run away that quickly, I value friendship far too much than to break it off over facebook and I am willing to navigate through the difficult waters of conflict.  Sometimes conflict is the only way of learning the boundaries of others.  There are people who view conflict negatively but conflict doesn't have to be expressed immaturely, we can be adults expressing our boundaries in a way that benefits both involved.  A friendship that has navigated through conflict is a friendship worth treasuring because of the riches of lessons learned and what is gleaned from such an experience.  I wish my friend had the ability to benefit from such a friendship.  

When we desire to cultivate a friendship that is pure and holy where one does not have that same desire there will come a conflict and in that conflict there has to be compromise at some point...  The question is, to what extend are you will to compromise the truth of God and your relationship with Jesus?  If you are not wanting to compromise the truth of God and your relationship with Jesus then that means your friend would have to make some choices and in that choice come two options. 

The first option... is to honor the friend who desires a pure friendship but the other option is to react and to feel judged or scrutinized instead of realizing that your friend responded from the place of respecting you as a beautiful creation of God's handiwork. 

Without being able to see the respect given... the second choice within the context of reacting is to walk away from the friendship and justify behavior that is not beneficial to living a life of holiness and purity. It is certainly not a behavior that respects the bodies that God gave us; the bodies with which we are encouraged to present as a living sacrifice before our maker as a spiritual act of worship.  

There are boundaries that I have in my friendships and because of these boundaries that means that cultivating a deep and personal friendship with some people wouldn't be possible.  In all this, it is sad to see a friendship come to an end but not as sad if a friendship became something so unhealthy that it interfered with my relationship with Jesus and my ability to continue to present my own body and mind as a living sacrifice-- a spiritual act of worship to my God.   

Wounds From A Friend ??

Faithful are the wounds from a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful 

~ Proverbs 27:6

This post isn't in response to any particular situation but a topic I've been pondering for some time as I have wrestled with my own animosity towards the church and certain friendship dynamics that can result within the context of the church.  The idea of having "spiritual friends" too have been something I've been pondering.  For example... at which time does a friendship turn from a friendship to a spiritual friendship?  And what would be the difference?  Or in our church culture do the two kinda bleed together?  Perhaps a spiritual friend is a friendship that is based more on accountability and where real constructive criticism can take place and there is a mutual understanding that this friend will more often then we'd like to, will go for the jugular, no holds bar and just simply cut to the chase and quickly divide between what is permissible and what is unacceptable....  straight forward no sugar added to the medicine that is given... since the both of us are heading in the same direction, to worship our creator, to honor Him with everything we say and do.  Truth is, none of us like constructive criticism and so it is sometimes received well but more often then not when the constructive criticism is given by a friend, it somehow tastes different and experienced different, and not received well at all. As I began to ponder these words... "faithful are the wounds of a friend" I began to think about these words in context with the words that follow which says, "but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful".  I find that interesting if you ask me.  It is basically saying that being wounded by our friends is inevitable but an enemy will or could likely be quick to express themselves towards us with kisses lavishly but with a twist of deceitfulness... in other words, an enemy could likely come with kisses, maybe even a kiss that comes with betrayal when really what is warranted are words that may not feel good to receive at the time but what will later on be received with thankfulness and with gratitude.  At least I can look back to various experiences I've had and think about my reactions to difficult words being spoken but words that were true and words that were needed to be spoken, and words that eventually has come to benefit me in my relationship with Jesus including the expression of my worship towards Him, my God, Savior, and Lord.     

Over the years I have looked back at some of my past conflicts including current conflicts with friends and I'm growing to appreciate the friendships I do have, I appreciate every friendship I have regardless if that friendship is a close one or one currently filled with conflict or misunderstanding.  One  of the reasons I continue to keep continuing to pursue my relationship with Jesus, and continue to pursue holiness, and continue to leave behind lesbianism is because I have friends who are willing to tell me when they believe I have crossed the line into something that may not be beneficial to me.  I just simply don't believe in affirming one to hell or affirming behavior I know will only create greater bondage in a friends life.  I heard it said that silence is a form of allegiance and so for me to remain silent to what will bring a friend bondage is only an allegiance to what will keep a friend in bondage.  In that, I would much rather be vulnerable and share what I don't believe is beneficial for a friend, lest I come with deceitful kisses or an allegiance to bondage by remaining silent.  We all know that our friends, our loved one, and family will continue to do what they believe is right and there has to be a kind of maturity to be able to not only speak up but then to take a step back and loving your friends and family regardless if they make choices you yourself wouldn't make.     

So while on many levels I rarely say anything, there are times, if I am a real friend, I would much rather speak words that have a potential to sting momentarily then to come with deceitful kisses or align myself with what opposes a friend by remaining silent.

There are two sides to the coin isn't there.  Just because a friend has an opinion, that doesn't mean that opinion is right.  We are merely human and prone to mistakes and failures, and hopefully are all learning together.  I have learned to take the words friends speak to me and pray about the words spoken to see if there is any legitimacy behind the words my friends have spoken.  At the very least, I don't accept everything that everybody says to me but at the very least I will take what is spoken and ask the Lord to show me the truth or the lie that I might continue to grow and mature in my faith without any obstacles placed in front of me.  I have enough obstacles to deal with and so I'd much rather not have to deal with any obstacles I can avoid by prayerfully listening to the constructive criticism that may come my way.  Now, if we were all perfect then delivery would always be smooth but we're not all perfect and so delivery isn't usually smooth and perfect so with grace extended I always ask myself this question, do I have the humility to accept what is true in the words spoken even if delivery had been poor at best? I would much rather accept the wounds of a friend then the deceitful kisses of an enemy posing to be my friend.  That isn't to say I open myself up to abuse of any kind but I can appreciate the fact that I know I have friends who won't deceive me or affirm me in what they know will only, in the end hurt me.