Wounds From A Friend ??

Faithful are the wounds from a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful 

~ Proverbs 27:6

This post isn't in response to any particular situation but a topic I've been pondering for some time as I have wrestled with my own animosity towards the church and certain friendship dynamics that can result within the context of the church.  The idea of having "spiritual friends" too have been something I've been pondering.  For example... at which time does a friendship turn from a friendship to a spiritual friendship?  And what would be the difference?  Or in our church culture do the two kinda bleed together?  Perhaps a spiritual friend is a friendship that is based more on accountability and where real constructive criticism can take place and there is a mutual understanding that this friend will more often then we'd like to, will go for the jugular, no holds bar and just simply cut to the chase and quickly divide between what is permissible and what is unacceptable....  straight forward no sugar added to the medicine that is given... since the both of us are heading in the same direction, to worship our creator, to honor Him with everything we say and do.  Truth is, none of us like constructive criticism and so it is sometimes received well but more often then not when the constructive criticism is given by a friend, it somehow tastes different and experienced different, and not received well at all. As I began to ponder these words... "faithful are the wounds of a friend" I began to think about these words in context with the words that follow which says, "but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful".  I find that interesting if you ask me.  It is basically saying that being wounded by our friends is inevitable but an enemy will or could likely be quick to express themselves towards us with kisses lavishly but with a twist of deceitfulness... in other words, an enemy could likely come with kisses, maybe even a kiss that comes with betrayal when really what is warranted are words that may not feel good to receive at the time but what will later on be received with thankfulness and with gratitude.  At least I can look back to various experiences I've had and think about my reactions to difficult words being spoken but words that were true and words that were needed to be spoken, and words that eventually has come to benefit me in my relationship with Jesus including the expression of my worship towards Him, my God, Savior, and Lord.     

Over the years I have looked back at some of my past conflicts including current conflicts with friends and I'm growing to appreciate the friendships I do have, I appreciate every friendship I have regardless if that friendship is a close one or one currently filled with conflict or misunderstanding.  One  of the reasons I continue to keep continuing to pursue my relationship with Jesus, and continue to pursue holiness, and continue to leave behind lesbianism is because I have friends who are willing to tell me when they believe I have crossed the line into something that may not be beneficial to me.  I just simply don't believe in affirming one to hell or affirming behavior I know will only create greater bondage in a friends life.  I heard it said that silence is a form of allegiance and so for me to remain silent to what will bring a friend bondage is only an allegiance to what will keep a friend in bondage.  In that, I would much rather be vulnerable and share what I don't believe is beneficial for a friend, lest I come with deceitful kisses or an allegiance to bondage by remaining silent.  We all know that our friends, our loved one, and family will continue to do what they believe is right and there has to be a kind of maturity to be able to not only speak up but then to take a step back and loving your friends and family regardless if they make choices you yourself wouldn't make.     

So while on many levels I rarely say anything, there are times, if I am a real friend, I would much rather speak words that have a potential to sting momentarily then to come with deceitful kisses or align myself with what opposes a friend by remaining silent.

There are two sides to the coin isn't there.  Just because a friend has an opinion, that doesn't mean that opinion is right.  We are merely human and prone to mistakes and failures, and hopefully are all learning together.  I have learned to take the words friends speak to me and pray about the words spoken to see if there is any legitimacy behind the words my friends have spoken.  At the very least, I don't accept everything that everybody says to me but at the very least I will take what is spoken and ask the Lord to show me the truth or the lie that I might continue to grow and mature in my faith without any obstacles placed in front of me.  I have enough obstacles to deal with and so I'd much rather not have to deal with any obstacles I can avoid by prayerfully listening to the constructive criticism that may come my way.  Now, if we were all perfect then delivery would always be smooth but we're not all perfect and so delivery isn't usually smooth and perfect so with grace extended I always ask myself this question, do I have the humility to accept what is true in the words spoken even if delivery had been poor at best? I would much rather accept the wounds of a friend then the deceitful kisses of an enemy posing to be my friend.  That isn't to say I open myself up to abuse of any kind but I can appreciate the fact that I know I have friends who won't deceive me or affirm me in what they know will only, in the end hurt me.