I recently heard a preacher talking about the cost to intimacy. As a spring board to his message he quoted Jesus, "if you love me you'll obey me" Cultivating intimacy shouldn't be narrowed down to a walk of obedience. If we love the Lord then you will see the "fruit" of one's devotion and admiration but cultivating intimacy goes far beyond obedience. I can't say that I entirely disagreed with the preacher but what I can say is that there were some pretty fundamental truths that were, unfortunately, neglected. What was neglected was a love relationship that runs deeper then works of obedience. Salvation costs us nothing but following Jesus will cost us everything.
What is the cost to intimacy?
It is first the willingness to turn away from the counterfeit.
The cost to intimacy is more then just a commitment, it is more then just doing what is right and pursuing a faith that involves obedience as much as it does commitment. What is the cost to intimacy? It is first the willingness to turn away from the counterfeit. For those relationally and sexually broken it is very easy and quote natural to turn an intimate relationship into a set of rules and regulations... don't do that but do this? It is natural to turn an intimate relationship with Jesus into rules and regulations because rules and regulations is safe and it provides some kind of structure, it shows Christian maturity, growth, and it will show others strength. We all like to posses strength and we all like to be the one that everyone can look to as being the one who has it all together, the one who's mature, the strong good Christian but none of this can built an authentic and intimate relationship with Jesus when we're wired to only receive when we're doing good and when we're doing what is right... so when failure comes along or when expectations aren't met our entire world shatters because we've just built our entire relationship on our obedience and maturity, as if to say that intimacy with our Papa God is conditional upon our obedience. Here is the reason I say that the cost to intimacy is in turning away from the counterfeit. The counterfeit can be any number of different things including obedience. This is not to negate the value and importance of cultivating a faith that is walked out in obedience. For many can live a committed and obedient faith in Jesus and still have yet to really tap into the place of intimacy with Papa God!
The place of intimacy is a place of knowing.
There is something to be said about being at a place of having a level of self awareness. Having an awareness of how we're wired to respond and an awareness of the deficits we've experienced in our core fundamental and primal relationships will undoubtedly begin to enable us to have a better understanding of our particular needs and it may enable us to recognize and discern the counterfeit and how it is manifested in our relationships.
Pornography and sexual addiction and even promiscuous behavior is perhaps the most overt counterfeit to intimacy. People trade in 3 dimensional relating for 1 dimensional relating... they seek a relationship with somebody that has been created by their own fantasy rather than engaging with people from the place of real and authentic relating. Well, the fantasy is a safe world but real and authentic relating allows for rejection and rejection means pain. The fantasy means power and an illusion that is fueled by some made up self when real authentic relating is raw and uncovered and very real... it includes the pretty and the not so pretty... it involves everything... it involves knowing every curve and every flawed piece in existence... perhaps this is why connecting with another sexually can be the place where intimacy and vulnerability is felt the most. It is also for this very reason that God, the one who created the very act of sex placed boundaries with the when and where this act can be or should be experienced. When experienced outside of what God intended, the act of sex becomes more superficial and instead of it being a place where intimacy and vulnerability is felt the most it becomes the place where one can feel the most disconnected and used for the selfish gain of the other. When God intended for sexual intimacy to bring two people closer together separating oneself from one sexual partner to the other becomes emotionally draining, you can only spread yourself out so far and you cannot be so disillusioned with the fact that a piece of you will be forever with that person you've shared that intimate moment with and that will be carried into the next relationship and then the next and the next and one has to acknowledge that all of this will eventually be brought into marriage... we were wired to have one sexual partner and our bodies were physically wired and created with parts two men or two women will always be a counterfeit to what God created. You know what counterfeit is defined as? It is defined as something being made in exact imitation of something valuable or important with the intention to deceive or defraud. The counterfeit is only a counterfeit when it is really close to the real thing, so much so that it is possible for one to be mistaken to be the other.
Cultivating a place of intimacy with Papa God requires something of us... it requires a willingness to confront our weaknesses and vulnerabilities in the presence of Papa God.
The only way to confront our weaknesses and vulnerability in the presence of Papa God is to unveil oneself and to allow oneself to stand naked before Papa God enabling for Him to see everything including every flaw there is to be seen. It means to stand before God without our good works to cover up every part of us that we don't like and then receiving the love of Papa God and becoming secure in the love of Papa God... one cannot help but to be secure in the love of Papa God when you have experienced His love without doing anything to earn His love. And when you begin to live life from this place of security... wow... a new identity is formed and when a new identity is formed life begins to be lived differently. Intimacy is cultivated within a deep place of knowing and the fruit of that deep place of knowing is a ultimately a changed life and that changed life will produce a faith that is walked out in obedience to Christ but obedience to Christ may not necessarily be what leads to intimacy with Papa God. The cost to intimacy means the surrendering of all things and everything that is counterfeit to the real thing. The only way we know that we have the real thing and not the counterfeit is that we've come to this deep place of knowing and being known with flaws and all and in that place receiving the love of Papa God. The love of Papa God is unconditional but so many Pastors make the love of Papa God conditional and intimacy with Him conditional upon our obedience when the only cost to intimacy is vulnerability and coming before Papa God not with our good works but just as we are, loved as we are, adored as we, and just as we are beloved. He loves us just as we are but loves us too much to keep us the same. We will change not by behavior modification in the hopes that Papa would love us and visit us but we will change because Papa does love us and has and will continue to visit us and walk with us and it is in that place Papa shows not only who we are but who's we are and a new identity is formed.
I once read an article where it was said that Prince William didn't have in mind to be an heir to the British throne and I wasn't entirely surprised when Prince William married a commoner. What a ferry tale picture this is... the Prince getting married to a commoner. But with a commoner becoming royalty I am certain there is a new identity formed--from commoner to royalty. If you think of some ordinary girl dreaming for her big wedding day and then to be greeted with a ferry tale ending. OK, in all reality with the tabloids that make up funny crap and rumors of Kate struggling with everything that Diana struggled with it can all get pretty stupid if you ask me. The reality is, on the flip side of the ferry tale wedding there is real life, the stigma and marginalization associated with riches and celebrity fan fair... there is a Kate that Prince William knows and a Kate that the public knows and we have seen only one part of her not who she is fully... however, going back to transitioning from commoner to royalty, you will live differently as royalty and it will never be as the commoner even if the commoner was still from a rich family.
In Christ we are royalty and in Christ we have been given a new identity and when we begin to live our lives from a place of having received a new identity it is inevitable that how life is lived will change.
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