My year has been quite the year. My year has been filled with challenges and one such challenge is in the area of slowing down. I've been telling myself to speed up, get things going, move quickly towards my end goals, if I don't have end goals then develop my goals, get a vision for my life and keep moving forward at whatever cost... even if that cost is through blood, sweat, and tears. Actually, for years moving forward has been with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It doesn't fail, whenever I set out to accomplish something, anything, there is usually something gets in the way towards accomplishing the goals I set for myself. Well, I don't plan to allow for circumstances to get in the way of my end goals. I can make the choice to finish well. I may not start out all that well but finishing well is something well within my grasp to accomplish. The question isn't whether or not my end goals can be accomplished but rather how I set out to accomplish such tasks. Sometimes the turtle actually wins the race because the turtle may be slow but the turtle picks a pace and sticks to the pace with such determination regardless of the limitations the turtle may have... its determination is its greatest strength.
Determination can be our greatest strength even when we're faced with less than ideal circumstances.
Last year, back in February I ended up falling off my bike at work. On a cold and rainy day I had the energy to get through the day. I just wanted to push through the day and go home. I really don't like riding my bike in the rain, especially when it is icy cold rain and is enough to chill right through your bones. In Vancouver we have a kind of wet cold that is colder or at the very least feels colder then other places in Canada. In Southern British Columbia we live in a temperate rain forest and so it rains a lot plus we have a more temperate climate but during the winter it is either too cold to snow it doesn't snow or it warms up but quickly but not quick enough since the moister the clouds hold when it is too cold to snow eventually get released but since it's too cold to snow we end up getting the coldest and most bitter rain one can experience. I love it when it snows but I hate it when it rains especially during the winter season. In order for it to snow the temperature needs to be just right. It can't be too cold but it can't warm up too quickly either but if the weather warms up at just the right pace the clouds will release snow instead of icy cold rain which is usually what we get in Vancouver.
When it rains in Vancouver it rains... and this one February morning it was raining...
I entered the West End via the Robson beat.. and when I approached my patrol area I began weaving in and out of parkade's until finally I reached the bottom of Robson street at the corner of Denman. Just before turning onto Denman Street I decided to turn into the Safeway Parking lot. It was raining and I figured I could warm up a bit and dry off while patrolling inside this particular parkade. So I made another turn down this ramp to the lower level of the parking lot and as I reached the bottom of the ramp my tires slipped on the wet pavement. When you feel your control slip from underneath you it increases your anxiety just a little and the moment I felt I had lost control of my bike and knew the tires slipped I could feel my bike turn lop sided. At that point I decided to use up the rest of my energy to land as safely as possible. As my bike slipped I raised my arms up hoping to protect my face from slamming against the cement and just as I slammed against the cement I kicked my bike away from me but still ended up getting tangled in my bike but I landed without getting seriously injured but injured enough. My helmet protected my head. As my head hit the pavement I heard this crack and thought to myself, yup the bike helmet worked but still my head bounced off the pavement causing me to get wip lash pretty good. For the next week my neck and should was stiff and soar and the other side of my body stiff and soar. I ended up taking a week off from work but fully compensated from WCB. As I turned myself over I noticed the cameras that were in place and thought to myself, yup the accident is recorded and so there's enough there to help me with a WCB claim.
When x-ray point to something that is more serious then just a minor fracture...
A few months later I realized that my back pain wasn't dissolving, in fact, perhaps even feeling worse then when it did following my bike accident I decided to follow up with my doctor who then sent me for some x-rays. The x-rays showed inflammation that by this time had become chronic. I guess it could have been triggered by the fall itself but the condition completely and totally unrelated to the fall. With the results back my doctor sent me for a slew of blood tests and a bone scan. He was thinking it could be related to arthritis while I began pondering what could possibly cause inflammation and the worst case scenario that came to mind was cancer. The the game of what if came to mind... all I knew is that I had chronic pain and chronic inflammation, it could be nothing but it could be something. With the unyielding pain and inflammation I began to notice that my sleep, which was already difficult enough as is while transitioning from graveyard to morning shifts, had been getting worse. There would be days before I could get sleep. Sleep began to feel like it was more of a luxury then a necessity but we all know it's a necessity. At any rate, my doctor told me that sometimes it's difficult to diagnose what came first, the chronic pain or difficulty sleeping so the doctor decided to help me sleep in the hope that the pain in my body and the inflammation would cool down. So, I was prescribed Gabapatin to block the pain receptors in my brain and Naproxen to help reduce the inflammation. And just recently I've been started on a 3rd kind of medication normally prescribed to individuals struggling with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. And while I'm not diagnosed with either conditions I seem to be exhibiting symptoms of a mild form of it. And man, if what I'm struggling with being possibly a milder form of chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia then I can't really imagine how people with these chronic disorders feel. All I know is that I've gotten my doctor to write a note excusing me from working my full 8 hour shift at work. Currently, once I get to sleep I am sleeping longer and am believing this is a good sign. Here's hoping that my new medication is beginning to work.
I believe that God heals and I believe we have every right biblically to contend for our health as well as our destiny in Christ. But while we're waiting for God to bring full restoration to our health there is a time to use wisdom and be mindful of our limitations especially when it comes to chronic fatigue and chronic pain.
Chronic fatigue and chronic pain when not managed well can render us quite helpless. For this reason I've had to slow down. I haven't been able to keep writing at the pace I've been wanting to. At times I've been too exhausted to think let alone to actually move my body. I've been learning to pace myself and also to rest. Perhaps some people can find the time to rest or can't really afford to pace themselves but as for myself, since my job is so active I have had to rest at home but I can't afford to rest at home... I haven't been able to fully rest at home because sometimes that means putting aside the chores at home but then that means my roommate picks up the slack because she just doesn't know how to rest herself. As a result I've cut back my hours at work to find the time to rest because I need the rest, it's important to rest but I also want a stress free living environment .. and believe you me, when I move out of the place and I'm free to get my own place I will rest and my chores will at times suffer but darn it any way I need the rest. Rest is not a luxury it is a necessity. Anyways, since I've been too exhausted to think let alone move my body I haven't been in the place to actually write anything. And so I've decided to take a step back from my blog and revamp it a little. I've decided to change my scheduled writing. It's just too much for me right now.
Stay tuned for Monday's
And instead of posting something on Sunday I will post every Monday. I will then give myself most of Sunday to brainstorm for ideas and to begin writing something but be able to post it on Monday's instead of on Sunday's. Thought for Thursday and Somethin Sunday as well as Monthly Monday's were perhaps a well thought out idea but to be honest I didn't like the title's I had given them. That said, I am still wanting to write a book review once a month but that would also mean that I'd have to increase my reading so that I have something to post once a month. And that also leaves me with Word on Wednesday. I'd like to keep Word on Wednesday but that too will be on hold until my health starts to improve. That said, I will make an attempt to post something every Monday.
When life throws you a lemon learn to make lemonade.
It's not how you start that matters but it's how you finish. We can finish well. By God's Grace. He has given us everything we need to reach our destiny in Christ. We can look at the circumstances in our life; the struggles we face, the health problems that can have a tendency to get in the way, the job that you really don't want but have because it's currently better then any other options there are for you, the coworkers that make life miserable for you and who just don't extend the grace you need when you need it. I choose rather to take hold of the things I do have... the grace that is extended from my employer because of my current health problems, the grace that is currently extended by most of my supervisors, the coworkers I interact with who make me smile and laugh after a hard stressful day, the occasional pizza day at work, the snacks that are offered during our weekly meetings, and being able to have such a great client to work for. I can think of a far worse scenario that could happen for me. In order to finish well sometimes it really depends on our ability to take a step back and pace yourself, don't do too much at the same time, make time for rest even if that means working less and taking a cut in pay because of it. When we can find a pace that works for us we can then slowly but steady, like the turtle finish the race that is set before us...
Regardless if you're first or last just finish the race .
0 comments:
Post a Comment