Mother's Day had always been a bitter sweet time for me. It usually had represented all that I had lost and all that never will be. I really believe that a Mother is a gift and a real treasure. She bestows unto her children beauty and a sense of well being, a sense of nurture and security within one self. When we look to our Mother's we usually have this heart cry within that says tell me I'm OK. It's really different from our Father's who call us away from Mother to venture into life outside of Mother and really, to discover who we are apart from Mother. I can't begin to describe adequately enough how significant such a loss is especially at the tender age of 2. I was 2 years old when my Mother had passed away. She will forever be the Mom I wish I knew. While one facebook the other day I saw the following quote ...
Anyone who knew my Mother will probably would say she'll always be remembered and never forgotten. Sometimes I wonder if she feared the inevitable of her children forgetting who she is and even if that's the case, which it is, I can truly say that the essence of who my Mother was lives on and deep down inside there came a connection that really had been deposited deep down inside. The more I process my own loss and grief I realize that I'm not grieving a connection that never formed but being disconnected at such a young age from what had been my very life source. I had yet to really know my own life apart from my Mother. She was literally my everything and when I lost her I had lost everything but as I mentioned her very essence will never be forgotten and it's her very essence, her very nature that actually steps outside of time to be perhaps one of the most influential person I've ever known even if for such a short time.
The stories I've gleaned over the years has painted me quite an interesting picture. She's a woman who loved to dance. I believe she even competed a little with ball room dancing. It's interesting enough is, my healing journey in Christ has been in many ways, the picture of learning to dance with Jesus taking the lead. It's quite the beautiful picture, one truly with elegance and femininity. I've heard my Mother had a real ability to celebrate the essence of womanhood. Of course it is highly possible that somebody might correct me on some of what I've written.... second hand information is something that needs to be taken with a grain of salt and I really am only going by second hand information but when I'm told my Mother was a beautiful person something tells me that her own seemingly tumultuous life and faith journey transformed her into the woman that people today remember her to be. My Mother had quite the life journey. Her own story bitter sweet, pain filled, but also filled with tremendous amounts of joy especially when she set aside the day just to be with her children.
My Mother had been raised in a single mother's house hold. Her father had been presumed dead after his fishing boat had capsized off the Coast of BC, Canada and his body never found. I could tell as my Nana re-counted the story of what happened to my Grandfather that there has been some unresolved pain and grief and understandably so. Eventually my Nana did re-marry to my Grandpa Peder and move back to Norway. To be in a long distance relationship with my Grandparents oversees proved to be quite difficult. One thing for certain though, when my Nana would come to visit we'd start right where we had left off. As for my Grandpa Peder, often times I needed a translator and so I hadn't really connected to Grandpa Peder as much as I wish I could have. The relationship my Mother had with her Mother had been tumultuous as well. My Mother had always been viewed as the somewhat renegade type person, the rebellious teen who dropped out of high school and who gravitated towards the men her own Mother disproved of and then to get married to my Father, the last man her Mother wanted my Mother to get married to. Not only that, but my parents decided to challenge the legal age to get married without a parental signature from the age of 21 to 19. As a result my Mother's marriage had to get approved by the courts, which it was. I think my Mother and Nana were like polar opposites and the source of tension the result of differences that my Nana really couldn't come to understand. It's good to know that my Mother and Nana were able to reconcile their relationship and their differences in the latter years of my life. I am also glad to have a moment in time with my Nana prior to her own passing. Some time after Grandpa Peder had passed away my Nana decided to Immigrate back to Canada. After finding out that my Nana had been diagnosed with terminal cancer I made a specially trip to visit her in Kelowna, BC. We talked, we walked, we shared from our hearts and I saw a side of my Nana I'm grateful to have been able to see.
My Nana once told me this story that seems fitting to share... My Mother knew that she was ill and knew that she had been on borrowed time. She had a lot of help around the house but there were times the laundry just piled up, I think that's normal. My Mother had been busy trying to raise 2 sets of twins... if you're a Mother trying to raise one child there is potential to look at Mother with twins and ask, how does she do it? And my Mother didn't just have one set but two sets of twins, I hope she's got a few jewels on her crown for being able to Mother two sets of twins!! Anyways, my Nana continued to share with me about a time she had come over to see my Mother playing with me and my twin brother on the floor and when my Nana had noticed that the laundry and piled up a significant amount she started in to lecture my Mother about keeping up with the laundry and house cleaning.
My Mother said the following ...
She made every moment count. She wasn't perfect, she had her flaws... and while she had a certain amount of physical beauty that enabled her to win a beauty pageant, it was her authenticity that brought out her natural beauty and her relationship with Jesus that gave her the courage and strength she needed that enabled her to be all that she could be for her children. And this is my Mother.
The stories I've gleaned over the years has painted me quite an interesting picture. She's a woman who loved to dance. I believe she even competed a little with ball room dancing. It's interesting enough is, my healing journey in Christ has been in many ways, the picture of learning to dance with Jesus taking the lead. It's quite the beautiful picture, one truly with elegance and femininity. I've heard my Mother had a real ability to celebrate the essence of womanhood. Of course it is highly possible that somebody might correct me on some of what I've written.... second hand information is something that needs to be taken with a grain of salt and I really am only going by second hand information but when I'm told my Mother was a beautiful person something tells me that her own seemingly tumultuous life and faith journey transformed her into the woman that people today remember her to be. My Mother had quite the life journey. Her own story bitter sweet, pain filled, but also filled with tremendous amounts of joy especially when she set aside the day just to be with her children.
My Mother had been raised in a single mother's house hold. Her father had been presumed dead after his fishing boat had capsized off the Coast of BC, Canada and his body never found. I could tell as my Nana re-counted the story of what happened to my Grandfather that there has been some unresolved pain and grief and understandably so. Eventually my Nana did re-marry to my Grandpa Peder and move back to Norway. To be in a long distance relationship with my Grandparents oversees proved to be quite difficult. One thing for certain though, when my Nana would come to visit we'd start right where we had left off. As for my Grandpa Peder, often times I needed a translator and so I hadn't really connected to Grandpa Peder as much as I wish I could have. The relationship my Mother had with her Mother had been tumultuous as well. My Mother had always been viewed as the somewhat renegade type person, the rebellious teen who dropped out of high school and who gravitated towards the men her own Mother disproved of and then to get married to my Father, the last man her Mother wanted my Mother to get married to. Not only that, but my parents decided to challenge the legal age to get married without a parental signature from the age of 21 to 19. As a result my Mother's marriage had to get approved by the courts, which it was. I think my Mother and Nana were like polar opposites and the source of tension the result of differences that my Nana really couldn't come to understand. It's good to know that my Mother and Nana were able to reconcile their relationship and their differences in the latter years of my life. I am also glad to have a moment in time with my Nana prior to her own passing. Some time after Grandpa Peder had passed away my Nana decided to Immigrate back to Canada. After finding out that my Nana had been diagnosed with terminal cancer I made a specially trip to visit her in Kelowna, BC. We talked, we walked, we shared from our hearts and I saw a side of my Nana I'm grateful to have been able to see.
My Nana once told me this story that seems fitting to share... My Mother knew that she was ill and knew that she had been on borrowed time. She had a lot of help around the house but there were times the laundry just piled up, I think that's normal. My Mother had been busy trying to raise 2 sets of twins... if you're a Mother trying to raise one child there is potential to look at Mother with twins and ask, how does she do it? And my Mother didn't just have one set but two sets of twins, I hope she's got a few jewels on her crown for being able to Mother two sets of twins!! Anyways, my Nana continued to share with me about a time she had come over to see my Mother playing with me and my twin brother on the floor and when my Nana had noticed that the laundry and piled up a significant amount she started in to lecture my Mother about keeping up with the laundry and house cleaning.
My Mother said the following ...
The laundry can wait. The laundry with always be there and will always need to get done but I'm not always going to be here for my children.
She made every moment count. She wasn't perfect, she had her flaws... and while she had a certain amount of physical beauty that enabled her to win a beauty pageant, it was her authenticity that brought out her natural beauty and her relationship with Jesus that gave her the courage and strength she needed that enabled her to be all that she could be for her children. And this is my Mother.
0 comments:
Post a Comment