Shopping -- Like a Fish Out of Water!

Let's just say that femininity has always been a bit mysterious for me. I grew up in a house hold of all women with exception to my dad and brother and yet somehow femininity has been something I've greeted with a little, or a lot shall we say, of ambivalence. It is something I have feared, even despised and yet it's what I've desired to be more like. But beyond appearance itself is more of a desire to want to be secure in myself as a woman and whole femininity is being secure as a woman and not to be confused with the stereotype. A woman can be athletic and still be feminine and a woman does not need to have to be a little princess and like pink frilly dresses to be whole and feminine. That said, appearance is important and it does say a lot with our own sense of security in who we are as women. If we are free to show what we've got without exploiting the good gift that God gave us as women then we are secure. To a large degree when a woman takes on more of masculine characteristics of appearance and behavior it's rooted in fear and insecurity. Fear and insecurity is not seen just in women taking on the more masculine characteristics of appearance and behavior but it can be seen in the opposite extreme where women are too consumed with having the right appearance and the right figure with the right clothes.

The other day I went shopping. I do not have a fashion sense. I am not one to be gifted with this effortless to find the right clothes that fit my body type. I am a little larger than average and so it's difficult for me to find clothes that will look nice on me and at the same time allow people to see what I do have. People tell me, you have beautiful features and yet you cover this up. Well, gone are the days where I cover up the nice features that God gave me. I just need a little help getting there. And I've recently found that help. A friend started taking me shopping and teaching me a few tricks here and there. Teaching me about what to do and what not to do when it comes to fashion. Blacks, grey, and white are OK but we need more color, the right colors. How do I work around those "problem" spots? I've been learning to make a great outfit look great on me. And I'm having fun doing it... OK, well, mixed in with the anxiety of it all is this sense of having fun. I'm laughing and giggling all the way through it.

So I'm learning to navigate through the clothing stores for plus size women. I step into any store and I feel like a fish out of water. Not only do I feel like fish out of water but I have this look like a dear caught in head lights. I step inside and instantly it's like my brain stops functioning and I look at this sea of clothing. What do I do? Where do I go? Where is the section that has my size? It really is logically all laid out for somebody with a map might have an easier time. Where's the map? OK, I'll follow this one girl around for the next couple of shopping sessions and maybe a time will come when I'll have an internal GPS system that will lead me to the right section at the right stores.

I'll have to write more about my experience from the perspective of growing and maturing into womanhood but I'm still processing that. Until then, the other day when I went shopping for new clothes my friend and I spent close to or just over 3 hours in that one particular stores. By the end of my experience there I had become truly exhausted and emotionally spent but at the same time feeling great. Of course I'd feel great. There was this special on. For every $50 dollars that's spent the store gives you a $25 dollar gift card. I walked away with a $125 dollar gift card! That means next month I get to shop for more clothes!

Examining Truth and Grace

I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bath water but unfortunately, that's exactly what we do when we write somebody off just because they "describe" themselves or "label" themselves to be gay Christian. I'm not the one to discern who and what somebody is and therefore I cannot be the one to test whether or not somebody's faith and relationship with Jesus Christ is legitimate or not. I personally don't describe myself or label myself as a gay Christian let alone even gay. Same gender attraction is a factor in my life but that is secondary to who I am in Christ and who I am in Christ is where I place my identity.

Since posting my observations on the documentary produced by the Gay Christian Network, called Through My Eyes, I've been thinking a lot about grace and truth. Grace and Truth were never meant to be separated. For many of us we tend to polarize grace and truth when we were never meant to understand one without the other. Truth is never understood fully without grace and truth itself provides a fuller biblical context for grace. I will often hear people say, we're not under the law anymore, we're under grace. If we truly understood grace we'd know that being under grace by no means lower the standard. Grace itself is actually a higher standard then the law. So what then is grace? Some will say that grace is unmerited favor but I would argue that's actually more accurately describes mercy. Grace is receiving empowerment that we ourselves didn't work to get but rather it was freely given to us. This grace empowers us to be more then what we otherwise would be without the finished work of Christ. Everything I accomplish I do in and through Christ and because of Him. So, it is unmerited favor. It's unmerited favor to do all that we've been destined to do when the odds are stacked up against us. This grace isn't about having the freedom to make a conscious effort to sin even though it is true that grace will cover us in all the ways we fall short to His will for our lives. Grace is seen in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ when we read in the scriptures that say, while we were still sinners Christ died. That is grace poured out but we miss the point altogether if we fail to recognize the fullness of God's grace being given. It is unmerited favor, to be empowered to rise up to our high calling and destiny in Christ despite the odds stacked up against us.

In Turning Controversy into Church Ministry
the author challenges his readers to explore grace and truth.
I'll leave you with this ...

Examining Grace...
The Greek word for grace, charis, means "unmerited favor". It is food offered to the homeless person who has just cursed you. It is forgiveness extended toward the boss who cut your hours in half. It is love shown to the teenager or spouse who berated you, the kindness offered to the fellow church member who soiled your name in gossip, and the hug of welcome to the drug addict who stepped into your church for the first time. God's grace, however, is not weak towards injustice, deception, compromised character, and shortcut spirituality. With tenacity and resilience, biblical grace challenges us to grow, to better ourselves, to climb toward the highest rung of godly living. Those who strip the truth away from grace create a perversion of God's person and plan for humanity. We live in an age of reckless sexuality. Our truthless grace has handed the car keys to teenagers, along with a map to the interstate of sexual experimentation. Nearly half ( 46 per cent ) of all fifteen to nineteen year olds in the United States have had sex at least once, and by the age of nineteen, seven in ten teens have engaged in sexual intercourse. Grace with no anchor of truth ignores the high rate of divorce among Christians in our country and is untroubled that the rate of cohabitation rose by a thousand per cent between 1960 and 2000. It may even turn a blind eye to the one on four girls and one in six boys who are sexually abused before the age of eighteen, because it has no basis for setting standards for human sexuality or behavior.

Examining Truth...
Truth lived in Christ's way, the kind of truth we are called to embrace and proclaim as Christ-followers, has few grey edges. It is clear and straight about God's commandments and God's priorities. It shamelessly names what is right and wrong and does not hide the consequences for obedience and disobedience. It does not cheat on taxes or accept the benefit s of a clerk's error in a grocery store. Truth refuses to cover up weakness of governmental policies or of a Pastor's theology. It confronts ethical violations on the job and verbal abuse at home. It will not be bent by majority opinion or bribed with an offer for a better position. Those who live by truth engage in the ongoing challenge of applying God's unchanging standards to our ever-changing society. Truth devoid of grace, however, is a poison-tipped dagger. It speaks words that wound and promotes acts that kill spirit and hope. It is loveless, merciless, compassionless, and clueless about how to help others improve. Rather than heal wounds, it opens them; rather than allowing time for change, it stifles growth; rather than offering help, it slams the door in the face of human need. It turns opportunity into despondency, and praise for a person's hard work into a list of failures. Truth without rgace creates a formal, pious, self-righteous legalism.

SPAM !! Rrrrrrrg !! Overload of Spam !!

Due to an increase of spam coming into my account these days I have decided to restrict the commenting. I am thinking that taking away the option of commenting Anonymously will help to reduce the spam a great deal. Other then that, I'd like to acknowledge those who don't normally post comments on my blog but who nonetheless do take the time to read through my blog.

Sincerely,

SJ<><