My post today is part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers. This should be very interesting and I can't wait to check out the blogs of others to find out their thoughts and ponderings on how to 'Bridge the Gap' you can check out the other links through this link below.
http://btgproject.blogspot.com/
Ever since I've been thinking about this 'Bridging the Gap' Synchroblog initiative I've thinking seriously about what to write. To say the least, this blog post is perhaps the most challenging one for me. For the most part I'd have to admit I'm learning as a go and I'd be interested to know what others would add to my blog post. I always look forward to hearing from people and like I said, I cannot wait to begin reading through the blog postings of others. The question that was put forward is, "How can we embody mutual honor and respect in our conversations with those with whom we disagree on the topic of homosexuality?"Very early in life I felt different. I didn't know why I felt different. I just knew that I was different. It wasn't until I was about 13 I recognized that I was attracted to the same gender and didn't identify as a woman. In fact, I felt really trapped within my own body as if I should have been born a boy. It was about a year or two into this discovery I met my Youth Pastor and his wife, Jim & Kris. At that time Jim had been volunteering at lunch time at the high school I was attending. We all called him 'The lunch room bouncer' and I think he liked that nickname. At that particular time I didn't have anything to do with the church. I attended the Pentecostal church when I was younger, I attended Sunday School and I knew the Youth Pastor that Jim had replaced at the church and so I had history with the church that he was now the Youth Pastor at. All of this information was unknown at the time to both Jim & Kris. The first few months of meeting Pastor Jim he would relentlessly pursue conversations with me and when I wanted to avoid him he was always there. Perhaps he was there because it was his job to be monitoring the school during lunch hours and I couldn't get away from him. And he would continuously invite me to come out and join the activities the youth group was participating in. I would turn down every invite but I began to think of a few things having to do with my sexual orientation and how I might be accepted at this church or not accepted. I was by this time extremely tired of being in places I was not welcomed, hated and rejected and so the question I had was always, "why should I come to a church filled with people who would hate me and reject me if they really knew me?"I think that was a valid concern, a valid question. I think all of us would much rather be around people who would respect us and be kind to us and also accept us regardless of differences. Finally, I decided to join the youth group. It took only a few months of Jim asking me to come out and join the youth group and I figured with the high school I was attending I'd be involved with one of two groups. I would either join the group who was busy drinking and doing drugs or I'd be apart of the youth group. What would I do with my Friday nights? What did I want? And going to parties getting drunk and smoking pot, smoking crack or doing E was not my idea of fun. So, I filled up my Friday nights with the Youth Group at the church I attended Sunday School as a child. And that first year of my involvement Pastor Jim & Kris would relentlessly pursue being in relationship with me. I didn't pursue them but it was the other way around. It was them pursuing me. They pursued a couple of other kids in the youth group all 3 of us were the most troubled teens in the youth group and it seemed as though we were the ones they invested a lot of their time and energy with. In my teenage years I never wanted to be home. I didn't like my home environment because it was stressful and painful. And so nearly every day after school the 3 of us would spend a couple of hours at Jim & Kris's place and sometimes stay for dinner. By this time I was actively reading the bible. I think by the time I was 16 I read the bible almost cover to cover and by the time I was 17 I was beyond most of my peers with my knowledge of the scriptures and so at the age of 17 I joined the Young Adults Bible Study. I was beyond the question, " who is Jesus?" and on to more challenging topics that centered upon relationships. It was unknown to them at the time that what motivated me was the fact that I was needing to somehow make sense of both my sexual orientation and Christian faith. It was about 10 years into our mentoring relationship where I opened up to them about my sexual orientation and personal struggles. I still remember the day the 3 of us sat at the dining room table as they told me the struggles they saw me going through. And so the mentoring relationship continued. They walked me through some of my deepest of pains and taught me life skills I never learned at home and when I was homeless they opened up their home to me and welcomed me into their family. I saw them at church and I saw them at home. I saw them with church leaders and I also saw them with their children. I saw that Jim & Kris were the most incredible people I've ever known in my life and who continued to relentlessly pursue being in relationship with me regardless if the choices I made were contrary to the ones they would have made. They became my greatest of advocates and when I faced judgment and criticism from people within the church they affirmed me and lifted me up publicly and also privately. They not only saw the good in me but encouraged the best out of me. What Jim & Kris saw was a very dishevelled and depressed girl needing to be loved and cared for. They saw my pain and knew the abuse and neglect I endured throughout my childhood. They knew the difficulty I had growing up and the challenges I faced. They knew my inner world. And they continued to love me despite all of that. And when I opened up about my sexual orientation the both of them stood up from where they were sitting, came around me, embraced me and said, "Sarah, we still love you," and then they prayed with me. After that time they didn't necessarily centre all of our conversations around same gender attractions. What they continued to do is be in relationship with me for as long as Jim was the pastor at the church. By the time I began to open up to Jim & Kris Jim had stepped into the Lead Pastors position and so even in that respect my relationship with them began to change. And while I've since lost contact with Jim & Kris the relationship, though for a season, was a relationship that greatly impacted my faith and influenced me in a lot of ways.
There are a few things that Jim & Kris did which bridged the gap.
1. They had a Positive Regard of me. They saw the good and encouraged the good in me.
2. They became my greatest of advocated regardless if my choices were contrary to theirs.
3. They loved me unconditionally and gave me a sense value and worth.
4. Jim & Kris were real. Who they were at church was always who they were at home.
5. They pursued me.
6. They invited me into their home and welcomed me into their family.
7. They knew how best to Pastor me as I worked through my tough questions of faith and life.
I think what is important to note that one thing that rings true throughout the 7 things I mentioned above is the fact that they had a positive regard of me and became my greatest of advocates even and especially when I made choices that were contrary to the choices they would have made. Jesus Christ and our humanity always became the common ground that we focused on in relationship with each other. Jim & Kris were not program orientated but were people who knew how to be in relationship and I really believe what most of us are looking for and actually crave is for real relationship. That real relationship will look different with different people pending on who they are to us and who we are to them but being in relationship is important. I'm going to value the relationships I have regardless if the person I am in relationship with has a different opinion than me in regards to the topic of homosexuality and/or what the bible teaches in regards to homosexuality. I've been taking this course at Vancouver Community College in Basics of Counselling and yesterday was the last day of our class. I also received the last transcript that was worth 30% of my final grade. The transcript is a taped counselling session. I take on the role as "helper" or "counselor" and tape a 10-15 minute session as the client talks about whatever it is they're processesing. When I received the transcript I talked it over with my instructor and in the time of taking this course I developed a greater sense of my strengths and weaknesses. I came to recognize that I am challenged when it comes to being empathic with people I don't understand or who's belief is contrary to mine. And the challenge for me is really to get into that persons world. I'm challenged with this. I am challenged to engage with people from within their world but when it comes to bridging the gap I cannot always expect or even demand for people to engage with me from within my world but I really believe it is valuable to learn how to engage with other from within their world not only as a counselor but also in all my encounters and relationships with people. My instructor challenged me at the end of our class to become curious about the lives of other people. I think this is going to seriously impact me and I'm believing that I will see this mostly impact my relationships. My motive would be to value all of my relationships and develop more authentic relating.