How to Witness to a Homosexual

Bridging the Gap -- Synchroblog -- My Experience

It was truly a challenge for me to take part in this Synchroblog. I've enjoyed the interactions with people I've had with all those who participated. The only thing is that there were so many people who participated it was extremely hard to get to each and every blog but I hope to. My contribution was simple but trust me, what I've suggested was not an easy task to accomplish. I focused my blog on the importance of being relational. I do not believe that there is anyone who would appreciate and feel good about being a "missions" project.

May I be so bold as to say that none of us have it entirely accurate in our thinking and this brings me to my next point. Humility is critical and if it lacks on either side this 'bridging' concept will not be as affective as it could be.

This approach is far from easy and as a result I've been pondering a few question....

1. What DOES it mean to be relational?

2. What DOES humility look like in the CONTEXT of my Post Gay testimony?

While reading through these blog posts I could not help but to have these questions come to mind. I believe that the questions I have are legitimate and I must find answers to these questions if I at all hope to 'bridge'.


1. How do I bridge with a Post Gay testimony without compromising my conservative views of scripture?

2. How do I bridge without denying the work and continued work of Christ in my life?


I've pondered these questions and have come to conclude that it is possible to bridge relationally but not so doctrinally. At some point we will disagree on what we believe the scriptures teach in regards to homosexuality. What then do we do?

I stumbled upon this one post I found it refreshing to read and really liked the words so eloquently put.

It is easy to gloss over deep issues to form a superficial bridge. It is much harder to be honest about how we really feel and yet still treat each other as human beings. There used to be a popular saying 'love is color blind'. It was a well-intended statement above valuing all races and ethnicity's. The problem is how can we love people when we don't see them? To truly love someone means I know that person. I see him or her in full color-- including the differences. Sometimes this authentic love will draw us together for a season of dialogue, and sometimes that love means moments when we step back and respect each other's space.

And so I can find myself at odds here with the Synchroblog and this whole 'bridging' efforts. I really believe that it is critical for both sides to see where each other is coming from and the next few words here is not me complaining but it's the reality of my faith journey. People will forever disagree with me. The church will unfairly judge me and criticize me because of my homosexual background. The GLBT Community will make their own judgements and criticisms because of my Post Gay testimony and the Gay Christian and I will always disagree on doctrinal issues.

In my research I was sent this link via e-mail and when I watched this Vimeo episode from Pure Passion via Exodus Global Alliance and when I watched the vimeo there was this WOW factor! If you care at all to take a plunge into the deep end then go ahead and watch the vimeo. I believe it's well worth it to see.

Bridging is what I basically grew up trying to learn how best to accomplish but not being able to bridge with some people has been a source of pain and frustration. I actually appreciated the profound statement I read from one Gay Christian who said the following statement. "You know, there are other things to talk about besides homosexuality."

The only way to cultivate an authentic relationship is with authenticity and I find few people are actually comfortable enough in their own skin to be as open and vulnerable as authenticity requires. I never start a friendship based upon the commonality of faith or in sexual orientation but almost always in the midst of forming an authentic relationship eventually the inevitable question would be asked. Eventually I'm asked which team I bat for and the topic of spirituality would also inevitably come up. How do I respond to that with authenticity while being faithful and committed to my faith journey?

With respect to Wendy and New Direction this has been a learning experience for me and one that I will value and it is my desire that I will learn over time how to more effectively bridge with those of whom there are differences. To find the list of blogs who have participated follow this link here.

God Bless to all of you who have taken the time to read my newest blog post on my experience with the Synchroblog.

Technorati & Claiming my Blog

The things I do ... it's been proven that navigating through the blogsphere has been challenging and I still don't know what all there is I can do with my blog. This number I'm posting has really no significance to anyone but me and I may choose to delete this blog post pending on how I can navigate through Technorati which apparently helps bring people to your blog. So, I'll have to wait and see and hope for the best.

My claim number : 682i9bea53

The Church, GLBT Community & In Between

My post today is part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers. This should be very interesting and I can't wait to check out the blogs of others to find out their thoughts and ponderings on how to 'Bridge the Gap' you can check out the other links through this link below.

http://btgproject.blogspot.com/

Ever since I've been thinking about this 'Bridging the Gap' Synchroblog initiative I've thinking seriously about what to write. To say the least, this blog post is perhaps the most challenging one for me. For the most part I'd have to admit I'm learning as a go and I'd be interested to know what others would add to my blog post. I always look forward to hearing from people and like I said, I cannot wait to begin reading through the blog postings of others. The question that was put forward is, "How can we embody mutual honor and respect in our conversations with those with whom we disagree on the topic of homosexuality?"Very early in life I felt different. I didn't know why I felt different. I just knew that I was different. It wasn't until I was about 13 I recognized that I was attracted to the same gender and didn't identify as a woman. In fact, I felt really trapped within my own body as if I should have been born a boy. It was about a year or two into this discovery I met my Youth Pastor and his wife, Jim & Kris. At that time Jim had been volunteering at lunch time at the high school I was attending. We all called him 'The lunch room bouncer' and I think he liked that nickname. At that particular time I didn't have anything to do with the church. I attended the Pentecostal church when I was younger, I attended Sunday School and I knew the Youth Pastor that Jim had replaced at the church and so I had history with the church that he was now the Youth Pastor at. All of this information was unknown at the time to both Jim & Kris. The first few months of meeting Pastor Jim he would relentlessly pursue conversations with me and when I wanted to avoid him he was always there. Perhaps he was there because it was his job to be monitoring the school during lunch hours and I couldn't get away from him. And he would continuously invite me to come out and join the activities the youth group was participating in. I would turn down every invite but I began to think of a few things having to do with my sexual orientation and how I might be accepted at this church or not accepted. I was by this time extremely tired of being in places I was not welcomed, hated and rejected and so the question I had was always, "why should I come to a church filled with people who would hate me and reject me if they really knew me?"I think that was a valid concern, a valid question. I think all of us would much rather be around people who would respect us and be kind to us and also accept us regardless of differences. Finally, I decided to join the youth group. It took only a few months of Jim asking me to come out and join the youth group and I figured with the high school I was attending I'd be involved with one of two groups. I would either join the group who was busy drinking and doing drugs or I'd be apart of the youth group. What would I do with my Friday nights? What did I want? And going to parties getting drunk and smoking pot, smoking crack or doing E was not my idea of fun. So, I filled up my Friday nights with the Youth Group at the church I attended Sunday School as a child. And that first year of my involvement Pastor Jim & Kris would relentlessly pursue being in relationship with me. I didn't pursue them but it was the other way around. It was them pursuing me. They pursued a couple of other kids in the youth group all 3 of us were the most troubled teens in the youth group and it seemed as though we were the ones they invested a lot of their time and energy with. In my teenage years I never wanted to be home. I didn't like my home environment because it was stressful and painful. And so nearly every day after school the 3 of us would spend a couple of hours at Jim & Kris's place and sometimes stay for dinner. By this time I was actively reading the bible. I think by the time I was 16 I read the bible almost cover to cover and by the time I was 17 I was beyond most of my peers with my knowledge of the scriptures and so at the age of 17 I joined the Young Adults Bible Study. I was beyond the question, " who is Jesus?" and on to more challenging topics that centered upon relationships. It was unknown to them at the time that what motivated me was the fact that I was needing to somehow make sense of both my sexual orientation and Christian faith. It was about 10 years into our mentoring relationship where I opened up to them about my sexual orientation and personal struggles. I still remember the day the 3 of us sat at the dining room table as they told me the struggles they saw me going through. And so the mentoring relationship continued. They walked me through some of my deepest of pains and taught me life skills I never learned at home and when I was homeless they opened up their home to me and welcomed me into their family. I saw them at church and I saw them at home. I saw them with church leaders and I also saw them with their children. I saw that Jim & Kris were the most incredible people I've ever known in my life and who continued to relentlessly pursue being in relationship with me regardless if the choices I made were contrary to the ones they would have made. They became my greatest of advocates and when I faced judgment and criticism from people within the church they affirmed me and lifted me up publicly and also privately. They not only saw the good in me but encouraged the best out of me. What Jim & Kris saw was a very dishevelled and depressed girl needing to be loved and cared for. They saw my pain and knew the abuse and neglect I endured throughout my childhood. They knew the difficulty I had growing up and the challenges I faced. They knew my inner world. And they continued to love me despite all of that. And when I opened up about my sexual orientation the both of them stood up from where they were sitting, came around me, embraced me and said, "Sarah, we still love you," and then they prayed with me. After that time they didn't necessarily centre all of our conversations around same gender attractions. What they continued to do is be in relationship with me for as long as Jim was the pastor at the church. By the time I began to open up to Jim & Kris Jim had stepped into the Lead Pastors position and so even in that respect my relationship with them began to change. And while I've since lost contact with Jim & Kris the relationship, though for a season, was a relationship that greatly impacted my faith and influenced me in a lot of ways.

There are a few things that Jim & Kris did which bridged the gap.

1. They had a Positive Regard of me. They saw the good and encouraged the good in me.

2. They became my greatest of advocated regardless if my choices were contrary to theirs.

3. They loved me unconditionally and gave me a sense value and worth.

4. Jim & Kris were real. Who they were at church was always who they were at home.

5. They pursued me.

6. They invited me into their home and welcomed me into their family.

7. They knew how best to Pastor me as I worked through my tough questions of faith and life.

I think what is important to note that one thing that rings true throughout the 7 things I mentioned above is the fact that they had a positive regard of me and became my greatest of advocates even and especially when I made choices that were contrary to the choices they would have made. Jesus Christ and our humanity always became the common ground that we focused on in relationship with each other. Jim & Kris were not program orientated but were people who knew how to be in relationship and I really believe what most of us are looking for and actually crave is for real relationship. That real relationship will look different with different people pending on who they are to us and who we are to them but being in relationship is important. I'm going to value the relationships I have regardless if the person I am in relationship with has a different opinion than me in regards to the topic of homosexuality and/or what the bible teaches in regards to homosexuality. I've been taking this course at Vancouver Community College in Basics of Counselling and yesterday was the last day of our class. I also received the last transcript that was worth 30% of my final grade. The transcript is a taped counselling session. I take on the role as "helper" or "counselor" and tape a 10-15 minute session as the client talks about whatever it is they're processesing. When I received the transcript I talked it over with my instructor and in the time of taking this course I developed a greater sense of my strengths and weaknesses. I came to recognize that I am challenged when it comes to being empathic with people I don't understand or who's belief is contrary to mine. And the challenge for me is really to get into that persons world. I'm challenged with this. I am challenged to engage with people from within their world but when it comes to bridging the gap I cannot always expect or even demand for people to engage with me from within my world but I really believe it is valuable to learn how to engage with other from within their world not only as a counselor but also in all my encounters and relationships with people. My instructor challenged me at the end of our class to become curious about the lives of other people. I think this is going to seriously impact me and I'm believing that I will see this mostly impact my relationships. My motive would be to value all of my relationships and develop more authentic relating.

Finding the Woman in Me

I am sometimes amazed with who God will use to speak into my life and I never would have thought that I would have found any kind of encouragement through any song of Britney Spears but maybe her life journey parallels mine to some degree,... there is only a few things different between us. She's a blond I am not. She is hot I am not. She is a performer and I am not. She kissed Madonna and I did not... and just for the record I didn't kiss any girl!

I could not believe it but for some reason as I watched Britney Spears perform this song tears began to well up in my eyes and I can only say that this suggests that there was something deep down inside that was tapped into and perhaps through this song was an opportune time for the Lord to reveal something to me in the midst of my own process through my life journey. I am on a journey to trying to find the woman in me and I think this journey has always been about reckoning with my own gender first of all and second coming to the place of security in myself as a woman knowing that I am a woman despite the obvious differences. I've always been trying to find myself among other women and perhaps this will look different pending on the season I find myself in. The words below are the lyrics to the song ...

I used to think I had the answers to everything...but now I know, that life doesn't always go my way... feels like I'm caught in the middle, that's when I realize... I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. All I need is time, a moment that is mine while I'm in between. I'm not a girl...there is no need to protect me. It's time that I learn to face up to this on my own. I've seen so much more than you know now. So don't tell me to shut my eyes. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. All I need is time, a moment that is mine while I'm in between. I'm not a girl but if you look at me closely you will see it in my eyes, this girl will always find her way. (I'm not a girl) I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe... (not yet a woman) I'm just trying to find the woman in me....

If there is one thing I am certain about that is my faith in Jesus Christ. I have become acquainted with my God and savior Jesus Christ and I did in the midst of much pain and confusion. I did not quite understand what I was going through this past month but after hearing this song something for whatever reason registered with me. I don't follow Britney Spears and I don't watch her music videos and most of her performances simply because of the content. The content that fills her music videos and performances does not help in the process of renewing my mind. There is a lot out there that hinders my own process of healing and becoming more whole as a woman and more specifically my faith journey but I was tempted to watch this video. I actually watched the first few minutes of the official music video on YouTube but realized in the first minute that watching the music video would not be good for me so I went back to a video where Britney Spears was wearing something more conservative and sitting on a chair throughout the whole performance. OK, so I might be sounding really religious and place boundaries around me that leaves me no room to breath but that's not true. I just know what would be a hindrance to me in my faith journey and I'd much rather remove these hindrances if I have the ability to do so. I'm weak and the boundaries I have in my faith journey are there for a reason and it's there to safe guard my faith journey and I do emphasize that this is my own personal faith journey which may look different if compared to others. My first year out of lesbianism I didn't watch any TV and the only thing I allowed myself to listen to would be Christian radio and then after a year I allowed myself to watch the occasional Christian program but restricted myself to only Christian music/radio and Christian TV programs. Today I venture out into secular TV but every once in a while I feel the need to pull back and re-ground myself and basically fast from TV. I fast from TV a LOT but that's me and that is where I am at in my faith journey.

I can appreciate the wrestling that's in the message of this song and I've somehow been able to reckon with where I am at. I've been going through something and I didn't exactly know what that something was. I couldn't explain it except that it was sort of disorientating for me and I did everything in my power to hold firm to my faith and life journey. The journey out of lesbianism is by no means easy and filled with a lot of ups and downs not too mention the numerous of times where I feel tested and tried to the max like I have been in the past couple of months but I never regret the choice to press through and to walk in obedience when my feelings pull me in another direction altogether. In this time I need to somehow reckon with where I am at right now and even more so when I can face a lot of discouragement because I am not anywhere close to where I want to be in my faith and as a woman. I'm not quite there yet and find myself like the song says, caught in the middle and just trying to find the woman in me. And I find that I'm OK. I said that something registered with me and when watching this video it stirred up my emotions because something was tapped into. And the message I heard spoken to me is that it's OK being caught in the middle and it's OK wrestling with faith issues. And most importantly I'm reminded that the Lord is close to me and with me all the way through. I'm challenged to hear God speak through unlikely people but I'm glad when I trust that deep conviction to listen without any biases. I felt the Spirit of God weighing heavily upon this song and simply could not allow for this song to pass by without hearing the message I figured God wanted me to hear.

I encourage you to watch the video found in my previous posting.

Britney Spears - I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman (Live)

In Honor of My Mother on Mother's Day. Barbara (Husband) Melnychuk October 1, 1947 - June 23, 1980

I wanted to do something for Mother's Day this year and so I thought that perhaps I could honor the testimony of my Mother on this blog. I say honoring the testimony of my Mother because that is what it is. For some reason this is actually helping me to move on. Every year I am reminded of what I don't have and so this year I want to remember what I did have. And somehow this is enabling me to see that I had far more then what I originally thought.

When I first heard this song I did think about the testimony of my Mother. Where I am coming from is knowing that 99.9 % of the testimony I hear is that my mother was this incredible woman who loved Jesus. That's what I grew up hearing and that's what I continue to believe. I'd be naive to think that my mother was this perfect woman. I know she had her flaws. She was this red headed Irish woman with a rebellious streak within her, a heavy smoker, and married a man her mother never approved of while still considered a minor. I can also tell that my mother had a bit of a wild side. I don't know, I can only assume that's true with a couple of stories that my Nana had shared with me. If you can imagine growing up in a predominantly conservative town in the mid 60's with a guy friend dropping by with his newly bought motor cycle and somehow getting this young woman to hope on the back after being told she was forbidden to ride. Although it's a story that seems trivial today but when I consider this conservative town that is still conservative mind you, in the mid 60's that can only suggest to me that my mother going for a ride on the motor cycle was to her a little walk on the wild side.

That said, it is very clear to me that people remember my mother for who she became and how her life experiences had shaped her and the values she came to live her life by. I think my mothers testimony of coming to faith in Christ is incredible. She grieved the deaths of her father and her brother and growing up in a single-parent family was challenging. I can imagine that the division between her and her mother created a lot of pain in her life. I can also imagine that she wanted something different for me and my siblings. I can understand my mothers response to being diagnosed with terminal cancer. But I can only assume that the trials and the pain that she walked through only made her become the woman that everyone remembers. I think my mothers testimony is one of transformation and of inner-healing and I also think her restored relationship with her mother only testifies to that.

The lyrics of this song that Jeff and Sheri Easter sing is actually close to the testimony I have heard about my mother. It comes close to the legacy my mother left behind. And it's a legacy she left behind for me.

She loved the Lord and served all her life
a sacrificial mother and an honorable wife.
She gave all she had and went through every trial
and made life much sweeter because of her smile ....

She loved, more then anything else, she loved, with all of her heart, she loved,
everyone she believed in, she loved ....

I've also posted the YouTube video with Jeff and Sheri Easter singing this song.

"She Loved" By Jeff And Sheri Easter

Huge Meteor "Just Misses" Earth