Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have a life that is riddled with pain and suffering or a life that seems to have more difficulty than others? This is a question I tend to ask a lot. It would be fairly easy for me to play the card of victim and drown in my sorrows because growing up I didn't have what most people take for granted and play the victim card because of all the injustice I've experienced. Everywhere I turn in some way or another I have faced marginalization, disenfranchisement and living in a family that has been affected by the Indian Residential Schools. I have had people unfairly judge and criticize me. I have had motives questioned. I have had people turn their backs on me when I have needed support. I have experienced racism. I have been discriminated against. I have been rejected. I have been labeled. I spent the good majority of my childhood crying myself to sleep at night and battled through intense thoughts of suicide all because of a deep seeded hatred of myself and feelings of hopelessness. I have been in need in more ways than one. I have struggled in many ways and I can only believe the reason why I'm still here is because I have a story, a testimony. There is absolutely no way I could have walked through all this without Jesus.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
One who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry, even the bitter tastes sweet
~ Provers 13:12, 27:7
I haven't felt much hope lately. It feels like I've lost the passion I once had. I've wrestled with my feelings and emotions that have screamed for my attention while the truth found in God's word seemed to be hidden obscurely from my sight and my heart painfully divided. I've been here before. But in all things, through all things, my hope is in Jesus Christ. If I stand, it is because of Jesus. If I walk, it is because of Jesus. If I fall down and get back up and keep on walking, it is all because of Jesus. How I feel can be the most unpredictable thing, my emotions can run deep and be felt profoundly and even more so as I continue to journey with Christ towards healing while submitting my life including my sexuality to God, honoring Him in my sexuality and in my chaste singleness. I shouldn't be a bit surprised that I will go through such times of intense struggles. I had lived for years emotionally detached, suppressing my feelings instead of actually processing through them. My heart became sick and I was starving for authentic love and connection with others. It is only inevitable to experience seasons of intense struggle as I become more integrated emotionally and with my sense of identity in Christ and as a woman created in God's Image. Satan will always come up with a counterfeit to what is true and authentic and being the serpent he really is, the counterfeit is almost always if not all the time tailor made to fit all our deficits like a mirage. It's not really the oasis in the middle of the desert we thought it was.
Who do you turn to in the face of deficits, your legitimate needs, and your longings?
Is Jesus enough?
I came across this blog post earlier titled Feelings vs Truth... Who's in your corner?
Wisdom is the word of God... the living, breathing, relevant word of God which is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It is our bread and our sustenance and we can't live without it. When we base our motives on our heart feelings, we can easily be strayed off course and onto paths which may feel good, but are far from the best for us and lead us to destruction. ~ Kenny